she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
