Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
