if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
