I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
