Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
