I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
