y did u give ur computer a hand job?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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