Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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