Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
