I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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