I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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