ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
