It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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