Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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