? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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