So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
