Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I look better un-naked...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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