Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
