you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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