He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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