we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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