I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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