He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
