I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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