the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
