You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
