my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
a search helicopter?!
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
