the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
