I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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