Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
