my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
