I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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