Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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