Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
