Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
