We won't sleep together?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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