I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
