hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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