I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
