How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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