i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
