I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I have grass duct taped all over my body
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
