So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
