Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
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