I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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