dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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