You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
