Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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