well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
