yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
